Goodbye, Nomadic Pollyanna

been thinking, dangerous passtime that. i think its time i had me some babies. its not like am in a panic or i can hear the clock ticking away or anything like that. its just that ever since i can remember ive had this dream of me and a beautiful little gal, in a mansion with a pool, the whole nine yards yaani. dont ask me where her pops was coz in the dream he either doesnt feature at all or when he does me and him dont even talk; am always standing aside watching him with her or he's watching me and her. hmmm... seems i mighta married him, aint no way i'd have a baby out of wedlock (see mom i didnt turn out so bad afterall, there's a shocker!) anyway seems we got married then divorced or maybe we are still married but putting up appearances? for such a long time i've wanted to do the picket fences thing; marry some dude who was crazy about me and vice versa.(then i learned that such relationships get messy) then it was any nice guy who cares about me (no guarantees there either). now am just tired of meeting all the different kinds of jerks this country has to offer. i almost sigh audibly whenever a guy asks for my number nowadays. its bloody exhausting. same shit, different jerk, over and over again.so this is where i am finally. from the perfectionist who wanted nothing but the best, the perfect family to this realist who just wants a baby, if it works out with the dad, Alhamdulillah, if it doesnt no major loss...well maybe to the little gal.poor thing. five years ago, i would have thought cest impossible. not me, never. yeah, guess the rose tinted glasses are finally off. just coz you've been on the straight and narrow all your life, it doesnt mean you dont get to be thrown some tricky curve balls.